I have been a stay at home mom for three full months now. These three months have been a major adjustment but I think it finally feels like we have settled into our new life. I am still not an SAHM expert by far, but I have learned a few lessons I think I can share as a new SAHM. Keep reading for what has surprised me this month and my lessons.
Becoming a new SAHM
As a brief background, I was an attorney for 10 years. I have a 4 year old son and a 1 year old daughter. With each pregnancy, I took a long maternity leave (6 months, which I know is much more than most people get), and then I returned to work. My children went to daycare, which was a great experience. My son flourished and I think has learned so much at daycare in terms of education and how to interact with other kids. My daughter was doing well socially but was sick constantly. I was at the pediatrician almost every single week for months.
Even when both of my children were in daycare, I was spending all of my time doing one of three things: working, taking care of my kids or sleeping. That was it. I didn’t have quality time with my husband, I never saw my friends, my house was a mess, and I was exhausted all of the time. My days became a cycle of work, kids and sleep. I felt guilty when I was awake for not spending time with my kids or catching up on work. I had no time to pursue the many hobbies I am interested in.
I loved being an attorney, even with the many stresses of the job. However, with the type of law I practiced, I had a lot of night meetings to attend. This meant I spent a lot of time away from my children and husband, I worked all day then went to meetings at night. During the pandemic, a lot of the meetings took place by Zoom, so I was home, but locked away in my office during my kids dinner time and bedtime routines. I was missing quality time with my family.
I liked my job, I had a wonderful husband and amazing children but I was incredibly unhappy. It was time for a change.
On December 1st, I started my new life as a SAHM. This has continued to be a big transition, and in Month 2 I dealt with different and unexpected challenges. Read more about my journey here:
How to Transition to a SAHM and Not Lose Your Mind During the First Month
Before I get into what I learned in Month 3 of being a new stay at home mom, I feel like I need to have a short disclaimer here- I am not advocating for anyone to become a stay at home parent. This is just my experience and why I made the decision to stay at home. There are so many factors for you to consider in making this decision and figuring out what is best for your family. There may be a time when I go back to being a working mom, but for now, this is the right thing for my family.
Disclaimer: Links in this post are Amazon affiliate links, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases.
Settling into being a new SAHM
I feel like I am finally settling into my role as a SAHM. From month 2 to month 3, I feel more comfortable as a SAHM. My son is settled into his new school, he has made friends, and I think is really enjoying spending two days a week at home with me. My daughter and I have our routines when my son is at school three days a week, we run errands, we go to story time at the library and enjoy our play time together.
I took a hard look at my house this last month. I have a lot of projects on my mind now. I have started with some overdue decluttering and organizing, first in my family room. I made a few small changes which have helped organize the room. I am also starting to plan a major outdoor project to redo the patio, which has been a project I have started and dropped many times over the last few years, but now I have the time to really focus on this project.
I also started my summer garden prep. I can’t wait for the time when the garden is in full bloom. But for now, I started some seeds indoors, bought some new soil and started prepping the outdoor beds.
My families new routines are settling in, I have had some time to work on some of my hobbies, and my children seem very happy. I think we are doing great settling into this new life with me at home as a SAHM.
What did I learn during Month 3 as a new stay at home mom?
The internet is full of tips for a SAHM. But here are the real lessons I have learned this month that I feel have helped me feel more comfortable as a new SAHM.
1. Old habits are hard to break. I have done laundry on the weekends for the last 10 years when working as an attorney. Even with two kids, I did everything on Friday night through Sunday. It was always a mess. I still can’t break this habit. Laundry is just one example of a habit I noticed over these last few months that I can change now that I am a SAHM. Another example is that I have in the past hired a landscaper to some chores in the yard that I now realized I can do myself. I am going to make a few trips to a home improvement store to do some research, but I am hoping I will be able to handle fertilizing my lawn and planting new grass seed in a few areas myself. I am taking a look at the “habits” which have been my norm for the last few years and reexamining everything now that I am a stay at home mom. It isn’t all about just saving money by doing msyelf- I want to do more things around my house (and maybe save some money).
2. Good habits have stuck. Even in month 3 as a stay at home mom, I am still meal prepping each week. It would be very easy not to meal prep and just throw something together. However, I am so happy to have my lunch made (or partially made) and dinner planned for the week. I also feel like my kids are eating better, I am trying to expand their diets a little (they still eat chicken nuggets numerous times a week, but that is life).
3. It is great to get out of the house every day. Leaving the house even to just pick up McDonalds helps break up the day and gives us an activity to do. With a one year old and a four year old, it may take us an hour to get our shoes on and get into the car, but the 30 minutes spent listening to music and picking up McDonalds is always fun (plus I don’t have to make my kids lunch!).
4. It is also OK not to leave the house every day. We had a few really really cold days recently, and a few days when my son did not feel well. Although I was itching to get out of the house- because I have found leaving the house helps my mood and as I mentioned, helps break up the day, it is just fine to sit around and watch endless hours of Disney + some days. Even days when we watch tv a lot, I interact with my kids as they watch the shows, sing the songs with them and talk about the shows they are watching. I try not to just let them zone out for hours. However, when I am cooking or cleaning up, letting them zone out gives me some time to do what needs to get done. Some days are going to be TV days and that is just fine.
5. Be prepared with some activity for when you are stuck inside. A small activity that you can pull out of a closet is a great distraction and can make a boring day at home exciting. I used to have a difficult time thinking up activities- like I had to think up a complicated project or craft from Pinterest to keep my kids entertained. That is so far from reality- a simple activity like baking cookies (from already formed dough from the super market), a new container of play dough or a new coloring book is all you need. Some days I will make bath time super special by letting my kids take a new toy into the bath or play their favorite songs and make it a bath/dance party.
For example, I always have craft materials- paper, stickers, markers on hand. A coloring book or playing with clay is a great activity for a one year old and a four year old. Here is a kit I bought my son during 2020 lockdown that we still have (well parts of) and my kids both love to play with. Just today my son took out the popsicle sticks and made pretend lollipops with clay!
Also can’t forget about clay and kinetic sand, here are some kits my kids love:
You can use toys in a different manner that you already have. Think outside the box a little. You have a plastic toy from a happy meal (if it has no batteries) let your kids take it into the bath or bury the toy in some kinetic sand and let your kids dig it out with a spoon.
6. It is OK to do nothing. I was always busy when I was working. This is both a good thing and a bad thing. Being “busy” is something you hear people say in our society all the time- as a good thing, as a thing to brag about, as a feeling of being overwhelmed.. and it becomes peoples “norm.” I was always busy- I was working, taking care of the kids, my house, trying to have a life- every minute of the day was always filled. When we did have a moment of down time on the weekend, I would feel like I had to fill that time with something to keep the kids busy or do some of the activities I felt like we as a family were missing out on because I was always so busy during. So if we had a down day, I would plan an activity- an outing to a park, running an errand, anything. I felt like I had to get the kids out of the house or they would go crazy.
Now, doing nothing but staying at home and hanging out is a good thing. It is nice. My son had a busy day at school on Monday and then after school, I took both kids to the playground and we played for 45 minutes. It was a full day for both kids, a really fun day. So the next day, we did nothing. We watched some tv, took a long bath and listened to the Moana soundtrack while they played in the tub, and then built a fort with blankets. It was a fun, do nothing day. I didn’t worry about laundry or clearning, because I would get a chance to do that later in the week. We did nothing and I felt no guilt doing nothing.
Learning Curve as a SAHM?
The transition from working mom to SAHM is a real journey. Going from a constant state of busy to a different lifestyle- and accepting (and enjoying) doing “nothing” has been great. For the first time in a long time, my head is not full every single moment of the day- thinking about my work to do lists, my house to do lists, what I need to do for my kids, what I should be doing for my kids…. I have been able to just enjoy this time with my children. I hope my reflections have helped you if you are in the same transition- I have a learned a lot about myself and being a SAHM this last month.
Disclaimer: Links in this post are Amazon affiliate links, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases.
If you liked this post, keep reading:
How to Transition to a SAHM and Not Lose Your Mind During the First Month
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