I have been a stay at home mom for two months now, and even though we are starting to settle into our new life- it continues to be a big transition. We have had a lot of life changes these last two months: I am at home now, my son started a new school, my daughter is now home full time and my husband and I are adjusting to our new roles at home. I want to share this experience because as I reflect on Month 2, there have been some surprises and unexpected challenges that I am dealing with as a new stay at home mom.
Disclaimer: Links in this post are Amazon affiliate links, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases.
Becoming a Stay at Home Mom
As a brief background, I was an attorney for 10 years. I have a 4 year old son and a 1 year old daughter. With each pregnancy, I took a long maternity leave (6 months, which I know is much more than most people get), and then I returned to work. My children went to daycare, which was a great experience. My son flourished and I think has learned so much at daycare in terms of education and how to interact with other kids. My daughter was doing well socially but was sick constantly. I was at the pediatrician almost every single week for months.
Even when both of my children were in daycare, I was spending all of my time doing one of three things: working, taking care of my kids or sleeping. That was it. I didn’t have quality time with my husband, I never saw my friends, my house was a mess, and I was exhausted all of the time. My days became a cycle of work, kids and sleep. I felt guilty when I was awake for not spending time with my kids or catching up on work. I had no time to pursue the many hobbies I am interested in.
I loved being an attorney, even with the many stresses of the job. However, with the type of law I practiced, I had a lot of night meetings to attend. This meant I spent a lot of time away from my children and husband, I worked all day then went to meetings at night. During the pandemic, a lot of the meetings took place by Zoom, so I was home, but locked away in my office during my kids dinner time and bedtime routines. I was missing quality time with my family.
I liked my job, I had a wonderful husband and amazing children but I was incredibly unhappy. It was time for a change.
On December 1st, I started my new life as a SAHM. This has continued to be a big transition, and in Month 2 I dealt with different and unexpected challenges.
Before I get into what I learned in Month 2 of a new stay at home mom, I feel like I need to have a short disclaimer here- I am not advocating for anyone to become a stay at home parent. This is just my experience and why I made the decision to stay at home. There are so many factors for you to consider in making this decision and figuring out what is best for your family. There may be a time when I go back to being a working mom, but for now, this is the right thing for my family.
2nd Month as a New Stay at Home Mom
My 2nd Month as a SAHM was about developing some new routines and dealing with unexpected challenges. My son started a new preschool and I started a new routine for my errands when he was at school. I have my daughter home with me, and since she naps at 1:30 every day, my time to run errands is very limited. Three days a week I drop my son off at preschool then have two hours until my daughters lunch time (11:30) and then nap time (1:30). At the end of nap time, it’s already time to pick up my so. It is actually harder to go run a quick errand now then when I was working and both of my kids were in daycare. I cannot just run our to a drug store or the grocery store if I forgot something because between nap time and drop off/pick up for preschool.
I started going to the grocery store weekly. When I was working I relied on Instacart for my weekly shopping (which was amazing). I actually liked grocery shopping, but I just did not have the time. Now that I am in the stores shopping, we are probably saving between $50 and $75 dollars a week in groceries. I am looking at prices now at different stores, adding digital coupons and using cash back apps. I can’t say my days of Instacart are over- because when things get busy, Instacart is a huge help. However, now I am not earning a salary, I am happy to save money by shopping myself.
I have also put some fun things into my routine, I have been attending a free story time class at the library with my daughter once a week. She loves the class and sings the songs after. I wanted to, and still may, sign up for a mommy and me class, but this free class is just great and is no commitment. I still do not want to commit to any weekly classes at this point, as we are still working out our habits and routines.
Challenges as a New Stay at Home Mom
Being a stay at home mom is hard. There are no breaks (I always have company in the bathroom), I am constantly cleaning or preparing a meal, and all the play time is exhausting. I try to remember that I won’t always have a 4 year old and a 1 year old- a time will come when they do not need me every single second of the day. But some days, it is very hard to see that when both kids are yelling at me to get them something while I am trying to cook dinner and restart the washing machine after leaving wet clothes in the wash for a day.
It is hard, but I am very happy being at home with my kids. I am very lucky to have this time with my children and for the first time in a very long time, my head is clear. The stress of the job, the billable hours, and my work to do list are not constantly running through my mind. When my head was constantly running through the lists of work stresses, I felt as though I couldn’t think of anything else or focus on my family. I can now simply be with my family and enjoy my time with them.
If you are thinking about staying at home, keep reading for the unexpected challenges I dealt with in month 2 as a new stay at home mom.
- No alone time. No surprise- you have no free time as a stay at home mom. I knew there would not be free time- I have two very young kids. But I wasn’t ready for the true lack of alone time. There is a difference between free time and along time. When I worked, I spent a lot of time alone, although I was always busy. When I was work from home, I spent all day in my home office alone. When I worked in the office, I had a 40 minute commute by myself. When I worked, I had a lot of alone time with my own thoughts. I love my alone time, I always have. But I realize now- I need that alone time to be with myself and my thoughts. I did not realize until now how much I need that alone time.
- Habits are hard to break. When I worked, I lived by a schedule for chores, meal prep and laundry. Even now that I am a stay at home mom, I found myself rushing to do all the laundry on the weekend, because that it what I always did. It literally took me 2 months to realize I can make a new schedule for chores. I am going to try to implement this change next month.
- As I mentioned earlier, it is harder to run errands now that I do not work. Between drop offs and pick ups at school and nap time, I only have a few hours a few times a week that I can run errands with just one child (which is much much easier than running errands with two). I need to use the time when my son is at preschool and before my daughter naps to the fullest. The limited time I have to run errands has become an unexpected challenge.
- Handling being indoors all day. It is winter in New Jersey and really, really cold, so we have had a few days where we did not leave the house. One important lesson I learned during this month is to have 1 special activity for a day at home. This 1 special activity could be baking cookies or pulling out a toy from the closet that they have not seen in a few months (I have tried to rotate toys). When we stay at home, I try very hard not to turn the tv on until lunch time when I need them to be distracted so I can make them lunch. I want to compile a list of some other activities for stay at home days, like art projects or a simple board game.
- I had to adjust how I plan. I am a planner- I have always and probably will always use a paper planner. I had one for 2023 that I purchased in the summer of 2022 (I really love planners), but it wasn’t working for my new life as a SAHM. I needed more room to keep track of things about my son’s new school (like when is show and tell, or when there is a school activity), my daily to do list, if my husband had anything going on that day… you get the point. I needed a new way to organize my day as a new stay at home mom. So, I purchased a Happy Planner with a vertical layout. This planner has a monthly calendar and a weekly spread across two pages. Each day on the weekly spread has three blank boxes which I can use any way I want. For example, I use one box for my daily “To Do” List, one box for appointments or things I need to remember for my son’s school and the last box I as a flex space, like to keep track of meal prep. This new system is working a lot better then my old planner.
Here is a link on Amazon to the planner I purchased and have really liked using:
What else surprised me this month? I have not thought about work. This is surprising to me. I was an attorney for 10 years, working in a niche area of the law for the last 6 years. I loved my job and the area of law I practiced in. When I was working, I would always find myself thinking about work or new laws that came out that impact the area of law all the time. Recently, a former coworker called to catch up and we talked a little about laws that impact our practice that have become very complicated over the last two years. I really enjoyed talking about the law, but after the call I realized it was the first time I had thought about work and the law in 2 months.
Although we are starting to work on new routines, my kids, my husband and I are all still adapting to all of the changes. I knew there would be challenges as a SAHM, but the challenges in Month 2 were not expected, but that is part of this transition! Overall, even with the challenges, I have really enjoyed being a new stay at home mom.
Disclaimer: Links in this post are Amazon affiliate links, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases.
If you liked this post, keep reading:
How to Transition to a SAHM and Not Lose Your Mind During the First Month
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